The greatest lesson I ever learned about speaking God’s love language I learned from my son Joel. Joel is now a six foot four strapping young man, who loves God and has so much more going for him than I did at age 22.
I had just left a ministry I’d been involved with for 15 years. I thought I would spend the rest of my life there, but God had other plans. In one meeting, where decisions were made by the Board of Directors and the Exec team, all of my aspirations and dreams came to a crashing halt. The division of the organization I was leading was put on ice, and any hope for many of the things I had poured heart and soul into were deferred indefinitely.
It was a tough time of struggle for me. I wrestled with God over letting go of things I had unknowingly wrapped much of my identity around. When the reality finally sunk in, it was as though I heard God say, “Well done, you have completed what I have had for you here. Now you are released. Trust me for the next thing.”
I still wrestled with God in a tug of war of hurt and a sense of being stripped, and questioned why? God made it clear. I was to resign and in my spirit I was to trust God. So I took the big step of faith into the unknown.
Through a series of miracles I found myself in California a month later sitting across the table from a longtime friend. Greg had just been blessed by God significantly from the sale of his company. As we compared notes and shared hearts, we were astounded by a common ministry vision God had delivered to both of us simultaneously. Over the last month, we had both seperately sought God’s face and direction. It was undeniable that God was calling us to work together. He had delivered the identical Kingdom vision to both of us independently. It was confirmed for me when my wife was fully convinced that this was God’s will and that we were being called to the next season of service.
The challenge for us wasn’t a move from Colorado to California. The big challenge was our son. Joel was just beginning his senior year in high school and this move would mean uprooting him during his last special year with all his friends. He was gone, when we made the decision, on a missions trip to Jamaica. We agonized over breaking the news to him upon his return.
Joel came home very late and we decided to put the unavoidable discussion off until the next day. As we sat in the kitchen the next morning, Joel bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen, brimming over with excitement.
“You guys have to hear about my trip to Jamaica,” he began. “It was so awesome. I met other Christians from my school that I didn’t really know and made so many great friends. And the youth pastor asked me to be an intern this year with him. I am sooo excited!”
My heart sunk lower with every word. Every parent’s dream was coming out of his mouth. A son charged up for God, making great Christian friends, challenged to step up into leadership and excited about it.
The my wife, Cindi, looked at me with that, “you better hurry up and tell him look.”
I swallowed hard and said,”Joel I have some difficult news for you.
“What,” he said abruptly, “God told you what you are going to do next, right.”
“Yes,” I responded somberly, “He has.”
“Where,” he responded with a twinge of fearful anticipation in his voice.
“Well, its not here, we will be moving to California … but we will be near your grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins,” I offered, as though that would somehow make it easier.
A long thoughtful pause followed and then Joel said, “soooo…do I have to go?” I could feel the pain and sense of loss that was rushing through his heart as he contemplated being uprooted and thrust into a new place where he knew nobody. He didn’t even really know his extended family well, after living away from all of them for 10 years.
“Well Joel, we really want to tell you the whole story because it is really pretty amazing and we are absolutely sure that God is calling us,” Cindi now spoke up in a compassionate and pleading way. “We have really prayed about this and we think that God wants us together as a family. We feel like God has something there for you too.”
He stared at the table top, head down for what seemed like eternity in silence. It was then I learned one of my biggest lessons from my son.
He slowly lifted his head and locked eyes with me. With a tear in the corner of his eye but a resolve and determination in his face he said,
“Well if God is calling us Dad, then lets go.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I was so moved so to tears that I had to leave the room to gain my composure. My wife told me later that when I left the room he stood up from the table, and as she had her head down weeping and said, “Mom, stand up, I want to hug you.”
“I can’t believe what I just heard you say Joel,” she said. “Mom, stop crying, I am going to be fine. If God has called you and dad then he is going to take care of me too.”
I was moved to tears because my son chose to align his heart with my heart. In a matter of moments, confronted with the complete upheaval of his world, he chose to give up everything to please both his heavenly father and his earthly father.
His world and dreams were as important to him as my world, that collapsed in the dust just weeks before. Where I wrestled and carried on a tug of war with God, feeling stripped and lost, my son responded in humility and selflessness, bending the knee before God in a matter of minutes.
As I reflect as a dad on that event I realize that there is an unspeakable joy when our kids align their hearts and lives to please us. That joy is ever more deep and meaningful when they align themselves to please us at great cost to themselves personally.
Did you ever stop to think that God has a love language… It is a language of submission. He experiences unspeakable joy when his kids align their hearts to please Him, no matter what the cost.
Have you told God you love Him today? Are you pliable as clay in the hand of the potter? Is he convinced at the core of His being, as He views your responses to His calls upon your life, that nothing matters to you more than Him?
Let Him know today. Speak His language of love. He has spoken it to you and does everyday through the cross. Nothing matters more to Him than you! Not even His own life!
He gave all for you…what will you give for Him?
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